I would like to give everyone an update about my back pain. Right now I am doing much better, however, things got much worse before they got better. When I went to the doctor he warned me that it could. My doctor also struggles with back pain so he was able to tell me from experience. He told me about one time that his back pain was the most intense. So much so, that it felt like someone stuck a hot knife in his back.
After visiting the doctor I was feeling pretty good. On Saturday we had some friends and their kids over to play at our park and have lunch at our apartment. I enjoyed the visit, but it exhausted me. A few hours later Liz and I went out on a date and saw a play with a group from our church. Unfortunately, the theater was small so there was nowhere for me to stand during the play. So although it was painful, I sat through the performance. By the time we got home I was hurting pretty badly.
On Sunday I took my morning walk to loosen up my back. When I got back, I was still walking with a limp and not feeling any better. I knew then that two services would be impossible for me, though I was scheduled to play guitar that night. I decided to call in sick and rest. However lying in bed was not helping so I decided to lie on the floor for a while instead. I soon found out that it was a mistake to do this because it took me nearly four hours to get up off of the floor and not without help from my wife!
I could barely stand after that and I went to bed as soon as I could. When I got up from bed the next morning I felt the hot knife in my back. I immediately laid back down in bed and contacted my doctor. He got back to me and ordered me to stay in bed for the next forty-eight hours.
It may sound like the easiest thing to stay in bed for two days, but it was not. There were projects that I needed to tackle, Liz needed help with the kids, and the sun was shining, for crying out loud. However, as I laid there I noticed two things. First, was that I was actually starting to feel better. I had been having pain just lying down, but now that I was resting for a while the pain was going away.
The second thing that I noticed was that I had time to read, and think, and pray, and pursue God. The projects that seemed so urgent, weren’t all that urgent. Liz needed my help, but God gave her the grace and strength to endure. Most of all, I saw that I was finding my worth in what I do, instead of being thankful that God, in his power and by faith in Jesus, has already granted to me “all things that pertain to life and godliness.” (2 Peter 1:3). Through all of the back pain that I had been dealing with I never took the time to slow down and recover. But, I needed to recover far more than just physically, I needed to stop and spend time pursuing God.
I got up last Wednesday with only the slightest back pain. For the most part, I don’t have any more pain, though I still need to strengthen my back. Most of all, though, I need to remember that I have been cleansed from my former sins by Jesus my Lord and that my worth comes from being in Him, and not by anything that I “do for Him.”